May 13, 2011

How do you know if your health care provider is not the best choice for you?  Your diabetes doctor enters the exam room with powdered sugar on his tie, a doughnut in one hand, and a Slurpee in the other.  Your dermatologist is severely sunburned.  Your corrective eye surgeon wears thick glasses and tells you about his own recent cataract surgery that wasn’t successful.  Your gastroenterologist doesn’t remember if he washed his scope before using it on you (or which bodily opening was used the last time he used the scope).  Your ENT has laryngitis and complains that he cannot get rid of his sore throat.  While you are laying on the operating room table, you overhear your surgeon complaining about his hangover and that he doesn’t remember where he left his glasses.  Your psychiatrist keeps mumbling to himself and calling you by your ex-spouse’s name.  Your allergist has a runny nose, red eyes, hives, and asks you for a tissue.  The urologist who agreed to perform your vasectomy has shaky hands and makes a joke about working for tips. Your nutritionist offers you candy (“one for now and one for later”).  On your last scheduled visit, you discover that your hair loss specialist is bald when he finally removes his hat.  Your weight loss doctor complains that he keeps gaining weight.  Your marriage counselor is dating your spouse.  Your podiatrist cannot walk one block without his feet hurting him.  Your smoking cessation therapist tells you that by following his own advice he has been able to switch from cigarettes to cigars. Your plastic surgeon has many facial wrinkles, a double (or triple) chin, hair growing out of his ears, and droopy eye lids.  The nurse drawing your blood can’t find your arm (let alone a vein).  Your physical therapist cannot stand up straight and complains about his lower back pain while he is treating you.  Your obstetrician does not work nights, weekends, or on alternating Tuesdays and Thursdays. You see your optician at the drug store trying on reading glasses from a display. Your gynecologist used to be your proctologist.  Your cardiologist recommends that you gain weight.  Your regular doctor does not play golf.  Your orthopedic surgeon has a cast on his right arm — he had a cast on his left arm when you last saw him.  Your doctor’s office staff pays you a co-pay every time you visit the office (actually, that would be a good thing). Your alcohol abuse counselor asks you as you are leaving his office if you would drive him to the liquor store before it closes.

Hopefully, one or more of the above brought a smile to your face!

What is not funny is when in real life the negligence of a health care provider caused injury to you or a family member. Let us help you find medical malpractice lawyers in your area to help you with your claim by visiting our website or calling us toll free 800-295-3959.